(no subject)

[stolenmilkcrate.livejournal.com]

"I say," the professor said, lifting the small item from the box and blowing off the top layer of dust. "What an unusual specimen!" He set it on the table in front of him and bent over a drawer to seek out a magnifying glass.

His student made a face. "It's just some old forgotten child's toy. Look, it even has a wind-up knob and everything."

Before the professor could stop him, the student had picked up the coppery object, wound the knob twice, and...

...quickly regretted the past thirty seconds of his life. Suddenly a copper blur was pinging through the room, slamming into expensive experiments and decimating delicate glass measuring tools. Sometimes, it was folded into a ball. Sometimes, it resembled a racing snake. At all times, however, it was destroying something.

With no end in sight, the professor and the student grabbed heavy books to protect their heads and ran for the door. Once outside with the heavy door slammed behind them, the student, sweating, looked sheepishly at his teacher. "So... I suppose that was not so much a toy. More... weapony, really. But why would someone shape a weapon like a cute little ferret?"

The professor's eyebrow raised just slightly. "You haven't spent much time around ferrets, have you."

---


Two geckos saw a bug so nutritious
And because they were both quite ambitious
They moved in to eat
Without missing a beat
...and swallowed each other. Delicious!

---


Some of us are born to love the land, the waving grains and grasses growing and blowing in the gentle summer winds, soothing our ears and soul.

Some of us wish to be a part of the forest, aching to hear the rustle of leaves, feel the cool shady spots in deep, thick groups of tangled trees.

Some of us long to spend time with the sky, feeling the cool autumn breezes, chasing clouds and wishing at stars.

And then there are those of us who stand on the edge of the world, curling our toes into warm sands, listening to the crushing roar of the tides, and wanting to be a part of the world beneath our own.

This pendant is for you, those who miss the song of the sea.

(Made inside an old watch casing)

---


Through the years, many people have come forward with supposed proof that fairies exist. Leading skeptics have dismissed it all, because seriously, come on, fairies?

Well, I have some news for you. You can now blast away those skeptic jerks by showing them 100% positive proof that the world of the Fae exists - with this tiny pendant. Inside the glass sits one tiny fairy turd, metallic green and gold; it even has eternally staring eyes, wings, and little curly antennae. I'll bet you didn't know that even a fairy's poop is magic, did you? Well, now you do! Oh, the stories this little thing could tell.


---


Of course mad scientists are well-known for combining animals and machinery in horrifying ways, but one of the only-slightly-frustrated scientists, Dr. Feltsmeyer Inkwood, was more known for giving rise to only-slightly-disturbing creations.

Dr. Inkwood was looking to create a helper robot for around his laboratory; something small but industrious and quick would do. As one of the not-quite-insane scientists, he'd had the foresight to build his lab in a nice little beach house. (It should be noted that he would become somewhat-slightly-more-disturbed around tourist season.)

Thus, his studies led to the common crab. Fast and sturdy, it would make a wonderful lab helper, once "properly attired" (that is to say, had its brain removed and planted into a robotic body with heightened artificial intelligence chips).

Unfortunately for Dr. Inkwood, one of the subsections of information on the AI chips included various recipes, including no fewer than seventy-three ways to prepare crab legs.

The Crab-Bot was thus discarded as a bad job, as it mainly just hung about in shadows, unable to move much for hugging its own legs to itself and muttering unhappily about drawn butter.