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[orbitalocularit.livejournal.com]

I ♥ Dead Presidents...
So Rock The Vote Totes, Ladies.

Da Rulez And Regs To Pimpin' My Bags

1. DON'T STEAL MY SHIT.

Enough With The E-Tough, Show Us Yo' Stuff!



Deaf people are dope. Sign language? Even doper! Homemade ghetto street slangin' sign language only seen in dirty movies and in rap videos? Dope sound! Doo Doo In Effect! Let the hottie with the body know you want to hit it horizontally in between your thread counts. This bag is more effective than any water bra could ever be. A punch in the trunks, laid up like a doggy in heat...I can almost guarantee it.




The original BANG! number has had more reconstructive surgery than Michael Jackson and my double D's combined! I call this shag machine "So Nice We Bang'd It Twice, Reversed It, Flipped The Script Boom Bipped And Dipped." You can just call it "Red And Bangin' Like My Crotch." This shizz also comes in pink. I like everyone to feel as though they are carrying a teensy weensy vag on their arm! The pink one is behind the trap door like the n00dz of me gettin' it in the rear. One of those is false...damn, I hope I waxed.






Pink like the poodle on MTV's "True Life, I Love My Puppy." But this bag gives wayyyy better head.




Everyone loves New York, and why not? Someone straps a bomb to themselves half past every hour and those toughies take it like champs, flag a cab and flip the bird all in one breath. I say let's pay homage to fake titties, coke binges and oxygen bars and rep it for La La Land! We ♥ L.A...and L.A. ♥ US! And so does Kobe Bryant.




I also love Pee Ay. Why? Because I live here. Show your love for all things Amish by rockin' this beaut! Terrible Philadelphia pop singers not included.


Note: I will show your busted-ass state love too if you got the dough. However, have it be known, if you ask for NJ or VA, I will puke all over my sweat pants while making it. But I will keep the bag clean, I prom! Priced same as above.



I bang in denim pants. You bang in denim bags! Yo, this shit is tight like your Sergio Vallente's, mama. The color is hot pink for the color blind crowd lurking in the shadows.



Making da band? No no no...I'm WITH da band. Get it krunked, sister, and tell the world how many scene points you got from sucking off Saves The Day last summer. I will sit back and snicker in the corner cause that shit is triflin'. If you can't read and cannot tell my jokes from a hole in the wall, this bag reads, "I'm With The Band." Dummies.




No bras? Naw brah Show off your inner duderino with this classy infrastructure. Yeah the words look a little ghetto fab, but doesn't the thumbs down make it all seem a-okay? I think so too. And chances are, your "naw brah" will look 40 times decent-er than this one. Why? Because I care about you. And by "care about you," I mean "care about your money." This shizz comes in red too. Visualize it. I ain't got a picture.

Exclusive V.I.P, Puff Daddy Section

Note: The following bags are the ONLY, yes ONLY 4 that will be made on this type of bag...they are clear and plastic like your titties. Get 'em while they are hawwwwt. See above for the non titty, canvas version.



Snaps! It's pink! And plastic! Just like your boyfriend's Pocket Pam Anderson...ya know, those decent fake vaginas? No? What, am I the only one who has one?




Snaps! It's blue! And plastic. Just like your boyfriend's non-living, drowned version of the Pocket Pam Anderson. What, am I the only one who digs it necrophilia style?




Snaps! It's yellow! And plastic. Kinda like...uh...well...kinda like when you pee the bed after making love to your Pocket Pam Anderson! What, am I the only one who still sleeps on rubber sheets?




Snaps! It's purple! And plastic! Kind of like your boyfriend's bruised cock and balls after he rams his Pocket Pam Anderson full of semen sandwiches. What, am I the only one who admits myself to the E.R. after doin' it, doin' it, doin' it wild?


T-Shirts! And By "Shirts," I mean "Shirt."



Are you tired of looking like all those other nerdos in their DORK Peppermint Patties shirts? Well it's about time you did something to rectify the sitch! The irony is in full force with the "Naw brah" thumbs wayyyy up on the front shirt--and on the back, you ask...two guesses. Nope and Goddd No! Check my shizz and LOL all the way to the MAC machine.



BACK VIEW...I mean the shirt, not my rump, you pervs! 'CH'YEAH BRAH!" Siking out kids is so much fun. They will be scratching the temples for days with this zinger.

If you are still dumbfounded by all the beauty that is my hot "Back 2 Skool, Dude" slash "It's Almost Christmas And I am Poor" bag/shirt line, then slip me a comment. Idiots. I've said enough.

Greedy Peeps go hurr and thurr for murr.