(no subject)

[ex-thekiller358.livejournal.com]

I found this in a UK magazine "Sleazenation" and thought you other crafty gals may find it as funny as i do:

Freedom from Shopping
brand sparkly distressed jeans

Call it diabolical pact between MTV, Chelsea girls, hippie, punk, deconstruction, reconstruction and a UK garage sensation, but it doesn't look like 'brand sparklingly bleached denim' is going to go away. these jeans cost from £15 from your local market trader to nearing a ton for super dupa fly italian branded pair with added glitter patches. These patches be they bleach, shine, dirt (another favourite) or wierd oil slicky bits are mostly seen on the arse, thighs and knees in scarily unatural shades of apparent distress. (If your not hearing us, check big brothers Alex for his fine collection of said denim). Money spent better on a nights gin and cheap speed we hear you cry, so heres how to make your own:

You will need...
1. Those jeans you've never worn since someone said you resembled the thin one off birds of a feather. Tight with a flared ankle is also a good move.
2. Sandpaper. You find this in your shed, if you haven't got a shed, god knows, perhaps they sell it in the shops.
3. Bleach. Not Tesco value, for once, or you will end up with a circa 1976 punk disaster
4. Mud
5. oil

Instructions...
Apply bleach to 'pressure areas': either use a cloth of get someone to tie your ankles together and drag you behind a car through a bleach/oil/dirt/glitter slick. If you are fat, use zebra-style stripes down the legs to break up vast expanses of thigh and/or buttock and/or indeterminate areas of lower body. Once faded gently rinse off with cold water. During this stage you will wonder if this bleach (84p) works the same as peroxide bleach (£14.99). When jeans have dried, sandpaper around crotch and thigh area for 3 days or until you realise you have utterly ruined the jeans and created a monster you wouldn't wish on hear-say. Stew overnight, then slink back to the market to find the stall has been shut down by the copyright-enforcement people. Now spend £50 procuring jeans made by someone who knows what they're doing and, voila! once again, you have beaten the system!


(Yes it took ages to type out, i am a geek)